Suck it Up, Buttercup (with a Big 'Ole Straw)!
Went to a gastroenterologist (a stomach doctor) yesterday afternoon. He was really nice and thorough, but there was basically nothing he could do.
He explained that the gastric bypass surgery is doing what it is intended to do-- to help me lose weight. Gastric bypass causes food aversion, or lack of desire or appetite to eat, nausea, and vomiting. These symptoms are related to my surgery, and are common. Often, the food goes straight from the new stomach pouch to the new bowel. In short, anything I eat now goes straight through me without any time to settle, or digest. So there are only two options: what goes in must go up, or down.
Also, since food has no time to settle, it is not being processed, which, hence, causes weight loss. The surgery was meant to cause malabsorption. Malabsorption is basically when the body does not digest food and its nutrients very well. And often, malabsorption leads to malnutrition, which is why I need the protein shakes since it is difficult for me to digest solid food.
I hope I explained everything alright. I took notes during the visit so I could break it down for myself (and anyone else who wants to know) later. I always take notes during my doctor's visits these days because I need to be aware of my symptoms and my body at all times. Anything can happen, and if I want to prevent further damage to my body and complications, then I have to take responsibility of my health and stay on top of everything. Basically, I need to be an adult.
The doctor continued to say that I have to continue to push through and eventually, I will lead a normal life, somewhat, within several months to a year..maybe. He couldn't give me a timeline of progress. Everything that I have been hearing from the experts has been really vague, which has been really frustrating to say the least. This is because my body is literally in shock and is having a hard time coping and adjusting. My body is hurting, and my spirit, mind, heart, and soul is broken, damaged and scattered.
Yet the doctor told me to stay positive and that about 90% of the patients he's seen have had success with weight loss surgery. He even said, in Hunger Games fashion that the odds are strongly in my favor that things will be positive.
In short, tl;dr: This is normal. Wait it out. Suck it up, buttercup!
I may be down and out; I may be at my breaking point; I may have hit rock bottom, but if The Creator still has me in existence, then I have to soldier on and be strong, as I have always been in the past.
It's just hard because I have been strong for various reasons for way too long. I know that I'm only 29 years old, I'm just a little girl, a baby, what freaking ever, and I have a lot to learn, but I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I often fall asleep midday because I am so fatigued. I realize that things could be worse and I don't have as many major responsibilities as some people my age, but my life still sucks, a lot. I don't have an official full-time job, or any children, or a romantic partner, but I do have things to do. I am a caregiver. So I can't be selfish right now. So I need to just forget about all of this and get over myself, because I'm sure you're sick of me talking about all of this stuff already. And I'm responsible for someone else's health, not just my own.
Yet this is my journey in weight loss, and it's a lonely road, but I must ultimately walk alone. I don't expect the world to roll out the red carpet because I am taking responsibility for my life and losing weight. Everyone else can do and eat as they please. I am in no position to judge anyone for their choices in life. But all I ask right now is that if you want to be around me in the near future, food can't be in the picture. At all. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. So if food is around, I won't be present. Even the sight of food nauseates me at times. Don't get me started on the smells, either.
I'm saying this because, suddenly, a lot of people want to come back into my life since I've lost weight. While I appreciate the sentiment, it's hard for me to be social when I can't eat at gatherings. I have tried to blend in and adapt in the past, but I'm finding more and more that it doesn't work, physically or mentally.
And yes, it's true, I have changed since I lost weight. Even though I feel the same on the inside, personality-wise, because surgery changed my stomach, not my brain, I have changed more than I realize, internally, as well as externally. While losing the weight is great, gratifying, and liberating, it's hard to fully enjoy my progress and success when I have so many complications.
So that is where I am right now. I need to try to get in more water, drink my protein shakes (when I can stomach them), and get enough rest, even if it is in the middle of the day. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just want to be tolerated and understood at the least. I don't want to be too demanding or burdening to anyone, whether you've been around me for five minutes or five years. So if you really cannot accept me for where and who I am right now, then you are free to leave and part ways with me, and agree to disagree. I do not hold anyone hostage in my life; my door (and often, my heart) is always open. But if you are going to stay, then stay. I don't have time or patience to play games. I don't have any cards in my back pocket because I don't have any cards, period. I am who I am, and it is what it is. Goodbye.
Peace, love, and protein shakes!
Vanessa
P.S. Sorry if I came across as blunt or witchy. I realize that this is a lot to take in, but I have to just say this now because I don't want to keep repeating myself. I have to live with myself and this condition, 24/7/365. Thank The Creator that you don't. But I don't expect anyone else to feel sad or miserable just because I am. There are way more debilitating factors and conditions in life that are way worse than mine. Thank you for your time. Peace always.
He explained that the gastric bypass surgery is doing what it is intended to do-- to help me lose weight. Gastric bypass causes food aversion, or lack of desire or appetite to eat, nausea, and vomiting. These symptoms are related to my surgery, and are common. Often, the food goes straight from the new stomach pouch to the new bowel. In short, anything I eat now goes straight through me without any time to settle, or digest. So there are only two options: what goes in must go up, or down.
Also, since food has no time to settle, it is not being processed, which, hence, causes weight loss. The surgery was meant to cause malabsorption. Malabsorption is basically when the body does not digest food and its nutrients very well. And often, malabsorption leads to malnutrition, which is why I need the protein shakes since it is difficult for me to digest solid food.
I hope I explained everything alright. I took notes during the visit so I could break it down for myself (and anyone else who wants to know) later. I always take notes during my doctor's visits these days because I need to be aware of my symptoms and my body at all times. Anything can happen, and if I want to prevent further damage to my body and complications, then I have to take responsibility of my health and stay on top of everything. Basically, I need to be an adult.
The doctor continued to say that I have to continue to push through and eventually, I will lead a normal life, somewhat, within several months to a year..maybe. He couldn't give me a timeline of progress. Everything that I have been hearing from the experts has been really vague, which has been really frustrating to say the least. This is because my body is literally in shock and is having a hard time coping and adjusting. My body is hurting, and my spirit, mind, heart, and soul is broken, damaged and scattered.
Yet the doctor told me to stay positive and that about 90% of the patients he's seen have had success with weight loss surgery. He even said, in Hunger Games fashion that the odds are strongly in my favor that things will be positive.
In short, tl;dr: This is normal. Wait it out. Suck it up, buttercup!
I may be down and out; I may be at my breaking point; I may have hit rock bottom, but if The Creator still has me in existence, then I have to soldier on and be strong, as I have always been in the past.
It's just hard because I have been strong for various reasons for way too long. I know that I'm only 29 years old, I'm just a little girl, a baby, what freaking ever, and I have a lot to learn, but I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I often fall asleep midday because I am so fatigued. I realize that things could be worse and I don't have as many major responsibilities as some people my age, but my life still sucks, a lot. I don't have an official full-time job, or any children, or a romantic partner, but I do have things to do. I am a caregiver. So I can't be selfish right now. So I need to just forget about all of this and get over myself, because I'm sure you're sick of me talking about all of this stuff already. And I'm responsible for someone else's health, not just my own.
Yet this is my journey in weight loss, and it's a lonely road, but I must ultimately walk alone. I don't expect the world to roll out the red carpet because I am taking responsibility for my life and losing weight. Everyone else can do and eat as they please. I am in no position to judge anyone for their choices in life. But all I ask right now is that if you want to be around me in the near future, food can't be in the picture. At all. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. So if food is around, I won't be present. Even the sight of food nauseates me at times. Don't get me started on the smells, either.
I'm saying this because, suddenly, a lot of people want to come back into my life since I've lost weight. While I appreciate the sentiment, it's hard for me to be social when I can't eat at gatherings. I have tried to blend in and adapt in the past, but I'm finding more and more that it doesn't work, physically or mentally.
And yes, it's true, I have changed since I lost weight. Even though I feel the same on the inside, personality-wise, because surgery changed my stomach, not my brain, I have changed more than I realize, internally, as well as externally. While losing the weight is great, gratifying, and liberating, it's hard to fully enjoy my progress and success when I have so many complications.
So that is where I am right now. I need to try to get in more water, drink my protein shakes (when I can stomach them), and get enough rest, even if it is in the middle of the day. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just want to be tolerated and understood at the least. I don't want to be too demanding or burdening to anyone, whether you've been around me for five minutes or five years. So if you really cannot accept me for where and who I am right now, then you are free to leave and part ways with me, and agree to disagree. I do not hold anyone hostage in my life; my door (and often, my heart) is always open. But if you are going to stay, then stay. I don't have time or patience to play games. I don't have any cards in my back pocket because I don't have any cards, period. I am who I am, and it is what it is. Goodbye.
Peace, love, and protein shakes!
Vanessa
P.S. Sorry if I came across as blunt or witchy. I realize that this is a lot to take in, but I have to just say this now because I don't want to keep repeating myself. I have to live with myself and this condition, 24/7/365. Thank The Creator that you don't. But I don't expect anyone else to feel sad or miserable just because I am. There are way more debilitating factors and conditions in life that are way worse than mine. Thank you for your time. Peace always.
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