What I Love About Me

I wrote this statement earlier, just as Valentine's Day 2017 was ending, and then I ended up having an intense discussion with my mother about the present situation and my frustration. I can't go into specifics, but basically we reached an agreement that while things may seem hard and bleak right now, it doesn't make sense for me to try to do things on my own (like travel) just yet. I need to give myself and my body time to adjust to surgery and heal. Because right now, I'm in survival mode. My body is fighting against me every day. It's constantly kicking my ass, and I'm trying to stay strong. But a person can only take so much. So I will just try to implement my coping strategies (including blogging!) and try to be patient.

So, now, this is what I love about me:

I love that I am strong, inside and out. After all the changes that have happened to me this year, I’ve realized that I am a lot tougher than I think I am. Even emotionally, surprisingly. I have felt my feelings, but I’m not running from them anymore either. Now I am working on healthier coping strategies besides food and sarcasm. Writing definitely helps me stay accountable, address my emotions and thoughts, and helps me remember how much I have overcome. For me, writing is the singing of my soul.
Like most of you, I do not see myself remotely close to anything physically attractive. Even though I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight, I still can’t see anything good about my physical state. Things have not settled with me both internally and externally to say the least, even though it has been almost a year since surgery. I still see the obese me in the mirror.
But if I must get physical, I’d have to say that one of my best features is my calves. I’ve been told that they’re pretty strong looking, and that’s refreshing in a culture that picks women apart more than KFC does with chickens. I am not my breasts or my thighs. I am a being of light, love, and compassion. And that is what I love about me.

Peace always,


Vanessa

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