Six Years

    It's been six years since my surgery, and yet I am facing the same issues. I need to get back on track.

    I just did five minutes on my exercise bike, the same amount that I do every time I get on the bike. 5 whole, whopping minutes. I should, however, give myself some credit for doing something. Something is always better than nothing. Never stop starting over, right?

    However, I am tired of always starting over. I feel like I'm in some infinite loop and I can't seem to get off the hamster wheel, chasing a proverbial carrot going to absolutely nowhere.

    Sometimes, I get really good, and I even bring a friend with me to workout. Then I lose track all over again.

    I'm even trying to get right with God. My church is having a weight loss challenge, and I'm participating. Now I have to really work hard and achieve weight loss not just for myself, but for others as well. I don't want to let anyone down. It's adding more pressure for me to lose weight, but in a good way. I'm hoping for much better results this year, and in the future in general. Hallelujah!

    I'm currently in a plateau, but I will keep on trying. This blog post is my way of maintaining accountability (at the expense of my pride) and encouragement to be my best self.

    I saw a picture of myself at about five years ago, when I was still in my honeymoon phase, and I was thinking, “I miss that version of me”. In some ways, I do. I miss the confidence I had, the newfound bravado, and the look-at-me vibe, but I don't miss everything about me. I always want to be a better version of myself, always growing, always improving. I don't want to stay stagnant.

    Now, I want to be better than that. I want to be better than I was post-op and keep it that way. On the bright side, my hair's grown back since surgery. Post-op, I had a short Afro, and now I can put it in a bun. Progress!

    So who's ready for a comeback? I certainly am. Tonight was a major step. Now I need to keep it up.

    More later.

    Peace always,

    Vanessa

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