Peace, Love, and Protein Shakes: Vanessa's Bariatric Blog

Back at the treatment house after a week of being at a treatment hospital for suicidal thoughts. Upon intake at the treatment house, the interviewer felt it was best for me to go to the emergency room. After a few days, on the 20th, I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital. I spent seven days there.  Yesterday afternoon, I was sent back to the treatment house. I had a good day. I slept fairly well, but I am now dealing with some natural issues with my body. I should be fine in a few days.  My estimated check out date from this house will be on Tuesday if all goes well. I'm thinking it should because I am staying on my medications. I also have a meeting with my case manager on Monday morning. I hardly ever see her, but I'm guessing they worked something out since I had to go to the hospital and everything. I'm happy to report that I am glad I held on to my life and decided to continue on my journey, mentally and physically. The weight loss will come in time. I also need to...

     It's been six years since my surgery, and yet I am facing the same issues. I need to get back on track.      I just did five minutes on my exercise bike, the same amount that I do every time I get on the bike. 5 whole, whopping minutes. I should, however, give myself some credit for doing something. Something is always better than nothing. Never stop starting over, right?      However, I am tired of always starting over. I feel like I'm in some infinite loop and I can't seem to get off the hamster wheel, chasing a proverbial carrot going to absolutely nowhere.      Sometimes, I get really good, and I even bring a friend with me to workout. Then I lose track all over again.      I'm even trying to get right with God. My church is having a weight loss challenge, and I'm participating. Now I have to really work hard and achieve weight loss not just for myself, but for others as well. I don't want to...

It's been three years since my surgery, and I've gone from about 360 pounds to about 250, which means that the "honeymoon" period in my relationship with weight loss surgery is way over, and I'm basically in maintenance mode. It's not the most ideal place to be, but it's not bad either. It could be so much worse. Issues and complications aside, I'm still here and surviving, and that's all that matters. I would like to eat more solid foods and have more of a variety in my diet, but a revision surgery on my initial gastric bypass operation isn't feasible with my current doctor until I lose at least 50 pounds. I think I can do that by the next year or so, but who knows? I'm not setting any strict deadlines at the moment. It's soul crushing and unrealistic to think that after three years post-op, I can actually lose 20 pounds in a month with minimal effort again. If I want to lose this remaining weight, I have to earn it, pound by pound...

It's been two months since I've updated, and yet, I just threw up for the umpteenth time. It’s not even funny anymore; it’s just a sad and pathetic complication from surgery. Yet I chose to get gastric bypass surgery, and I must learn to wield this tool alone. However, sometimes I just need a break. A carpenter doesn’t hold their hammer or saw 24 hours a day. Why should I have to hold my sword all the time? But I digress. I think it’s time that I describe where I am as far as my philosophy on “Peace, Love, and Protein Shakes” is concerned. First, I am finding peace within myself, a little bit each day. I am seeking peace, always. Interestingly, I am also experiencing love, not just on a personal level, but on a romantic level as well. Last month, I officially declared my relationship with my best guy friend to be a romantic one. It’s been amazing. I’m glad that we started out as friends because it’s given us a great foundation and springboard for growth. I don’...

I have been working out regularly—never thought I’d say that last year! —since June 15 th , 2017. That’s a little over 2 weeks. It has been challenging, but worth it. I love being consistent in the healthy habit of exercise. Yeah, I said that I love exercise. Weird. So, in a way, I’m glad that the blood clot was a wake-up call to get active. What I’m not happy about, however, is that despite my best efforts, I am at a plateau. I haven’t lost any more weight. I know that a year or so after weight loss surgery, the rapid weight loss, or “honeymoon” period ends and weight loss is harder to maintain, but dang, it’s soul crushing. Also, I just read an article from The Cleveland Clinic that says that weight gain after exercise is common due to water shifting in the body and muscle gain, plus the recovery process. Well, duh. I’m sure I’ve read this in some fitness magazine in the past, but I forgot. It doesn’t make things any easier to deal with, but at least I have an explanation. ...

This month has been going by so fast! Since my last entry, I have been busy working to complete my first online Master’s English class and trying to stay positive even though I am still experiencing complications at a little over a year post gastric bypass. Also, at the beginning of this month, I went into a local hospital for testing, and they found a blood clot in my left leg! I had to go straight from Radiology to the Emergency Room. Yikes! Thank goodness that my Dad was with me and that my mom was brought up by him later when I had to stay overnight. Now I am on blood thinners. Fun. But it could be worse. The blood clot could have gone to my lung and I would have died. Seriously. I am now working to increase my physical activity, even though I’m constantly tired, because it helps reduce the risk of blood clots. Also, I want to lose more weight. I’ve been in maintenance mode for several months now, which I guess is better than weight gain, but being at a stall when I am...

Two good things: -           I visited my therapist yesterday. -           Today is my mother’s 64 th birthday! Not a day over 35! I love this woman! Therapy turned out to be very helpful, even though I hadn’t been able to attend since Valentine’s Day for various reasons. My therapist (a Female) and I had a catch-up session. My eating (or lack of, really) was a definite topic for discussion. While my therapist isn’t sure on how to exactly help me with my food aversion and eating issues (it’s not her job, though), she was very sympathetic. I told her that my eating is like one big science experiment gone wrong. I’m basically like a finicky toddler, digestion-wise. I want to have a healthy relationship with food, but persistent nausea and vomiting makes it difficult. My therapist was concerned, though, about acid damaging my esophagus, but I haven’t had any issues so far. Thank goodness! ...

I wrote this letter as part of an open letter challenge that I started at the beginning of this year, and then resumed this month. Today, the option was to write a letter of my choice, and fittingly, I decided to write a letter to my gastric bypass surgery. Doing this exercise was very helpful, and I hope it gives you insight on my progress. Thank you for reading. Dear Gastric Bypass, You have provided me with many positives and new opportunities. Even though I nearly died after surgery last year, I am still grateful for what you have done and allowed me to accomplish in a short amount of time. In less than a year, I have lost 150 pounds and am currently maintaining it. I went from being 360 pounds and a size 26/28, even a size 30 in some stores, and now I am an 18/20, which allows me to shop at more regular and socially acceptable stores. I have a greater desire to step out of my comfort zone and try new things, as well as attempt to socialize, if only for a short time. I feel li...