Peace, Love, and Protein Shakes: Vanessa's Bariatric Blog

It's been three years since my surgery, and I've gone from about 360 pounds to about 250, which means that the "honeymoon" period in my relationship with weight loss surgery is way over, and I'm basically in maintenance mode. It's not the most ideal place to be, but it's not bad either. It could be so much worse. Issues and complications aside, I'm still here and surviving, and that's all that matters. I would like to eat more solid foods and have more of a variety in my diet, but a revision surgery on my initial gastric bypass operation isn't feasible with my current doctor until I lose at least 50 pounds. I think I can do that by the next year or so, but who knows? I'm not setting any strict deadlines at the moment. It's soul crushing and unrealistic to think that after three years post-op, I can actually lose 20 pounds in a month with minimal effort again. If I want to lose this remaining weight, I have to earn it, pound by pound...

Happy New Year! I know that I haven’t updated in months, and for that, I most humbly apologize. I wish I could say that a lot has changed, but honestly, it hasn’t, and that is something I really want to address this year. In March, it will be two years since I had gastric bypass. It feels surreal. The good news is that I have been able to maintain a majority of the weight that I have lost since surgery. The bad news is that I have yet to make it out of the 200’s. “Onederland” is so close, yet so far away! (“Onederland” is being in the under 200 pound range, by the way). I’m not afraid to say that I am over 200 pounds, though, because before surgery, I was over 300 pounds, even closer to 400 actually. So I’ve improved quite a bit. Yet I know that it is not enough, and that is why I will continue to work on my diet and exercise program. I know what I’ve done, and I know that I can change it if I try harder. I need to drink more protein shakes, even if I get sick of them at t...

It seems that my brain may also need to go on a diet. I was thinking about this earlier this morning. It’s hard when I look at myself in the mirror sometimes because I still see my obese self, even though my brain and body know that I’m not. I certainly don’t even eat like an obese person either. My “fat” brain thinks I’m ugly and unworthy of affection. My “fat” brain doesn’t want attention. My “fat’ brain just sucks and needs to just go away already. My lighter brain, however, is starting to see some positive physical attributes in me, such as strong calves. My lighter brain wouldn’t mind being noticed sometimes. I need to lose my “fat” brain to make room for my lighter, more optimistic brain. Wow. I didn’t know that my brain needed to go on a diet as well! This recovery process is crazy! I thought that I’d mainly have to deal with physical challenges, but the mental challenges are proving even more difficult. I have more mood swings than I already have had in the past. I...

Two blog posts in one week, and consecutively? Nice! I had another letter to write in my open letter challenge tonight that I thought would be appropriate for this blog, as it has to do with the one thing I have despised the most in my life--my own body. Here it is. Warning: it's really personal. Yet I am willing to be vulnerable in sharing this anyway, as it is part of my weight loss journey. Dear Body, I have to be honest and admit that I have never liked you, ever. I have loathed your existence ever since I was made aware of the fact that I was overweight as a child, and eventually, obese until 2016, when I had gastric bypass surgery. I have always de-emphasized and minimized you because you were a constant source of public spectacle, ridicule, and embarrassment. I instead chose to be cerebral and neurotic, existing mainly from the neck up, especially my mind. In fact, even though I have lost weight. I still despise you greatly. You are still completely uncooperative a...