Peace, Love, and Protein Shakes: Vanessa's Bariatric Blog

I have been in a weight plateau for several months, and it is really soul crushing and frustrating. My scale and I are not on the best of terms right now. I haven't been consistent with my exercise. I am trying to walk more, but it isn't enough. My exercise bike hasn't been touched in over a month. I really need to shake things up with my diet and exercise routine. I drink at least one protein shake a day. However, I would like more variety in my diet, so I eat solid foods on occasion, especially at social functions. I find myself snacking more than I would like as well. Yet each “variation” in my diet is only increasing my weight gain and furthering my plateau, so I am also working on being more mindful of what I eat. I used to keep food journals to keep myself accountable in the past, though, and found it hard to stick with.  It seems as if I'm stuck in an endless cycle. I want to control my diet and exercise, yet I am also a human being, and therefore, a...

If there were one word to summarize how I’ve been feeling since my last entry, it would be: stuck. I’ve been stalled in my weight-loss journey, and while it is discouraging and depressing to say the least, I am still trying to hold onto hope that things will change for the better. Yesterday, I had a visit with the surgeon who I started seeing earlier this year, and he is still willing to work with me, but he wants to wait until next year to do any additional surgery. It’s so hard to wait, but the last thing I need are any additional complications that would come with another surgery. It’s almost three years since gastric bypass (three!), and I’m barely recovering from that, so I know that waiting is for the best, and for my ultimate health and safety. I wish that I had more positive news to report, but sadly, dear reader, I don’t. Here’s hoping for a better and brighter—and healthier!—2019. Peace always, Vanessa

Last time I wrote, about over two months ago, I mentioned that I had a stricture. I felt absolutely stuck. I still do. At this point, however, I have some more information, and a path to progress, somewhat. First, I was going through a lot of changes and loss recently. I've been dealing with the mutual ending of my relationship, as well as a temporary layoff and switch in companies at work. I was very anxious and depressed, which made waiting for my appointment with the specialist in May unbearable. That, along with prolonged nausea and vomiting, added to my stress. Yet I held on. Second, I had two endoscopes done with both a gastroenterologist and a surgeon to assess the issues with my stomach. The blockage was confirmed by the gastro and redefined by the surgeon as a "gastro-gastric fistula". It's a connection between my new stomach pouch and my old one that is small, but noticeable enough to be a major problem to say the least. It's like my old stomach is a...

I found this out a few days ago at my checkup on Thursday, April 19th 2018, and I'm still processing it. My primary care doctor, after looking at my most recent Upper GI exam (I've had this done several times since surgery), burst into the room and just started drawing on the exam room table with his pen, wildly marking out things to me. I stood there, frozen and bewildered, and then I started to come to when I heard the words: "You have a stricture." A stricture is basically a blockage in the stomach that prevents food from being digested. For two years , I knew that something was wrong. Yet nothing was showing up in the exams. Until now. (Image caption: On the left of my doctor's drawing is a "typical" stomach. On the right, mine, swollen and distended, but with food being blocked from digesting because I have a stricture. ) However, since I don't have insurance, there's not much I can do about the blockage right now. I need ...

It's been two years since I've had surgery, and the one question I still get asked by people when I've told them about having gastric bypass is this: "Should I get it???" My not-so-definitive answer is this: Yes, and only if you're sure. This is because one, I've had it. And I've survived. If you'd met me a few years ago, I would have been the LEAST likely person to have qualified for surgery. I was headstrong and devoted to junk. Whataburger, Chinese takeaway, and Mexican breakfast tacos were a way of life for this near native of Corpus Christi, Texas. I've lived in Corpus since I was three, so I'm not a native Texan, but I got here as fast as I could, haha! So I know what it's like to have the mentality of a native Texan and yet have the stomach of a toddler. It is hellish and frustrating. But.... There are some great benefits. Near reversal of my diabetes! My A1c is a 5 at the moment.  No more sleep apnea mask! I can t...

Happy New Year! I know that I haven’t updated in months, and for that, I most humbly apologize. I wish I could say that a lot has changed, but honestly, it hasn’t, and that is something I really want to address this year. In March, it will be two years since I had gastric bypass. It feels surreal. The good news is that I have been able to maintain a majority of the weight that I have lost since surgery. The bad news is that I have yet to make it out of the 200’s. “Onederland” is so close, yet so far away! (“Onederland” is being in the under 200 pound range, by the way). I’m not afraid to say that I am over 200 pounds, though, because before surgery, I was over 300 pounds, even closer to 400 actually. So I’ve improved quite a bit. Yet I know that it is not enough, and that is why I will continue to work on my diet and exercise program. I know what I’ve done, and I know that I can change it if I try harder. I need to drink more protein shakes, even if I get sick of them at t...

It's been two months since I've updated, and yet, I just threw up for the umpteenth time. It’s not even funny anymore; it’s just a sad and pathetic complication from surgery. Yet I chose to get gastric bypass surgery, and I must learn to wield this tool alone. However, sometimes I just need a break. A carpenter doesn’t hold their hammer or saw 24 hours a day. Why should I have to hold my sword all the time? But I digress. I think it’s time that I describe where I am as far as my philosophy on “Peace, Love, and Protein Shakes” is concerned. First, I am finding peace within myself, a little bit each day. I am seeking peace, always. Interestingly, I am also experiencing love, not just on a personal level, but on a romantic level as well. Last month, I officially declared my relationship with my best guy friend to be a romantic one. It’s been amazing. I’m glad that we started out as friends because it’s given us a great foundation and springboard for growth. I don’...

I have been working out regularly—never thought I’d say that last year! —since June 15 th , 2017. That’s a little over 2 weeks. It has been challenging, but worth it. I love being consistent in the healthy habit of exercise. Yeah, I said that I love exercise. Weird. So, in a way, I’m glad that the blood clot was a wake-up call to get active. What I’m not happy about, however, is that despite my best efforts, I am at a plateau. I haven’t lost any more weight. I know that a year or so after weight loss surgery, the rapid weight loss, or “honeymoon” period ends and weight loss is harder to maintain, but dang, it’s soul crushing. Also, I just read an article from The Cleveland Clinic that says that weight gain after exercise is common due to water shifting in the body and muscle gain, plus the recovery process. Well, duh. I’m sure I’ve read this in some fitness magazine in the past, but I forgot. It doesn’t make things any easier to deal with, but at least I have an explanation. ...

This month has been going by so fast! Since my last entry, I have been busy working to complete my first online Master’s English class and trying to stay positive even though I am still experiencing complications at a little over a year post gastric bypass. Also, at the beginning of this month, I went into a local hospital for testing, and they found a blood clot in my left leg! I had to go straight from Radiology to the Emergency Room. Yikes! Thank goodness that my Dad was with me and that my mom was brought up by him later when I had to stay overnight. Now I am on blood thinners. Fun. But it could be worse. The blood clot could have gone to my lung and I would have died. Seriously. I am now working to increase my physical activity, even though I’m constantly tired, because it helps reduce the risk of blood clots. Also, I want to lose more weight. I’ve been in maintenance mode for several months now, which I guess is better than weight gain, but being at a stall when I am...

I went to my primary care doctor on Wednesday. While he is pleased with my progress, I am not. I have maintained my overall weight loss, yet I am now stalled. I am about 20 pounds away from “Onederland” (as it is known in the weight loss surgery community), or being under 200 pounds. I should be happy, right? Yet I am not, and that bothers me. I am learning day by day that recovery from weight loss surgery and food addictions is a lifelong process, and it doesn’t end several weeks out of the hospital. Change is inevitable, yes, but it also takes time . The problem is that I have never been a patient person. Case in point: I was born two months prematurely. So when it comes to where I’m at in my recovery process, I want to be done already. It’s been a little over a year now. Where’s my happy ending? I guess that was a stupid question. Why should I expect happiness in my life just because I survived a near fatal operation? Other people survive much worse things. At least I ...

Hello. My name is Vanessa, and I’m…. NOT a food addict??? I used to think that I was. In fact, right up until about thirty minutes ago, when I started browsing videos online about food addiction. I’d been reading a bariatric support blog, this one being Bariatric Girl ( http://www.bariatricgirl.com/ ), and I found this blog post about cross addictions after weight loss (such as alcohol, shopping, sex, exercise, etc.), and this video was mentioned: http://www.oprah.com/own-addicted-to-food/Exposed-Withdrawal-Pains This video is short, but very moving and poignant. I could relate to both Tinisha’s and Tennie’s emotional experiences, now that I am a year post gastric bypass. Yet I still needed to know more. So I went onto YouTube and simply typed in, “Addicted to Food”, and I found this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BbWaB3RiTI This is from The Institute for the Psychology of Eating, which, surprisingly, having majored in Psychology, didn’t even know existe...

I wrote this letter as part of an open letter challenge that I started at the beginning of this year, and then resumed this month. Today, the option was to write a letter of my choice, and fittingly, I decided to write a letter to my gastric bypass surgery. Doing this exercise was very helpful, and I hope it gives you insight on my progress. Thank you for reading. Dear Gastric Bypass, You have provided me with many positives and new opportunities. Even though I nearly died after surgery last year, I am still grateful for what you have done and allowed me to accomplish in a short amount of time. In less than a year, I have lost 150 pounds and am currently maintaining it. I went from being 360 pounds and a size 26/28, even a size 30 in some stores, and now I am an 18/20, which allows me to shop at more regular and socially acceptable stores. I have a greater desire to step out of my comfort zone and try new things, as well as attempt to socialize, if only for a short time. I feel li...

Went to a gastroenterologist (a stomach doctor) yesterday afternoon. He was really nice and thorough, but there was basically nothing  he could do. He explained that the gastric bypass surgery is doing what it is intended to do-- to help me lose weight. Gastric bypass causes food aversion, or lack of desire or appetite to eat, nausea, and vomiting. These symptoms are related to my surgery, and are common. Often, the food goes straight from the new stomach pouch to the new bowel. In short, anything I eat now goes straight through me without any time to settle, or digest. So there are only two options: what goes in must go up, or down. Also, since food has no time to settle, it is not being processed, which, hence, causes weight loss. The surgery was meant to cause malabsorption. Malabsorption is basically when the body does not digest food and its nutrients very well. And often, malabsorption leads to malnutrition, which is why I need the protein shakes since it is difficult for...