Peace, Love, and Protein Shakes: Vanessa's Bariatric Blog

This month has been going by so fast! Since my last entry, I have been busy working to complete my first online Master’s English class and trying to stay positive even though I am still experiencing complications at a little over a year post gastric bypass. Also, at the beginning of this month, I went into a local hospital for testing, and they found a blood clot in my left leg! I had to go straight from Radiology to the Emergency Room. Yikes! Thank goodness that my Dad was with me and that my mom was brought up by him later when I had to stay overnight. Now I am on blood thinners. Fun. But it could be worse. The blood clot could have gone to my lung and I would have died. Seriously. I am now working to increase my physical activity, even though I’m constantly tired, because it helps reduce the risk of blood clots. Also, I want to lose more weight. I’ve been in maintenance mode for several months now, which I guess is better than weight gain, but being at a stall when I am...

Two good things: -           I visited my therapist yesterday. -           Today is my mother’s 64 th birthday! Not a day over 35! I love this woman! Therapy turned out to be very helpful, even though I hadn’t been able to attend since Valentine’s Day for various reasons. My therapist (a Female) and I had a catch-up session. My eating (or lack of, really) was a definite topic for discussion. While my therapist isn’t sure on how to exactly help me with my food aversion and eating issues (it’s not her job, though), she was very sympathetic. I told her that my eating is like one big science experiment gone wrong. I’m basically like a finicky toddler, digestion-wise. I want to have a healthy relationship with food, but persistent nausea and vomiting makes it difficult. My therapist was concerned, though, about acid damaging my esophagus, but I haven’t had any issues so far. Thank goodness! ...

I went to my primary care doctor on Wednesday. While he is pleased with my progress, I am not. I have maintained my overall weight loss, yet I am now stalled. I am about 20 pounds away from “Onederland” (as it is known in the weight loss surgery community), or being under 200 pounds. I should be happy, right? Yet I am not, and that bothers me. I am learning day by day that recovery from weight loss surgery and food addictions is a lifelong process, and it doesn’t end several weeks out of the hospital. Change is inevitable, yes, but it also takes time . The problem is that I have never been a patient person. Case in point: I was born two months prematurely. So when it comes to where I’m at in my recovery process, I want to be done already. It’s been a little over a year now. Where’s my happy ending? I guess that was a stupid question. Why should I expect happiness in my life just because I survived a near fatal operation? Other people survive much worse things. At least I ...

Hello. My name is Vanessa, and I’m…. NOT a food addict??? I used to think that I was. In fact, right up until about thirty minutes ago, when I started browsing videos online about food addiction. I’d been reading a bariatric support blog, this one being Bariatric Girl ( http://www.bariatricgirl.com/ ), and I found this blog post about cross addictions after weight loss (such as alcohol, shopping, sex, exercise, etc.), and this video was mentioned: http://www.oprah.com/own-addicted-to-food/Exposed-Withdrawal-Pains This video is short, but very moving and poignant. I could relate to both Tinisha’s and Tennie’s emotional experiences, now that I am a year post gastric bypass. Yet I still needed to know more. So I went onto YouTube and simply typed in, “Addicted to Food”, and I found this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BbWaB3RiTI This is from The Institute for the Psychology of Eating, which, surprisingly, having majored in Psychology, didn’t even know existe...

Hey everyone! Yes, it's been ONE YEAR since my gastric bypass weight loss surgery! I can't believe this time has come. It's been a rough ride, but I am continuing this journey, no matter what. I've worked too hard and come too far to turn back now. My brain is just going to have to catch up with my new body. That's what I've been realizing lately. Yes, there are days when I literally have a funeral for the foods that I can't (and don't NEED or WANT to) eat anymore, but then days like this remind me that it's not worth the agony and weight gain. Today, I managed to walk down my block and visit several places: the convenience store, the post office, the neighborhood Goodwill, and the library, and it felt so good. There was even a nice breeze and sunshine going too. I would have never had the stamina to do this a year ago. Time really does make a difference. Anything could happen in a year, a month, a day, an hour, or even a minute or second. So d...

Two blog posts in one week, and consecutively? Nice! I had another letter to write in my open letter challenge tonight that I thought would be appropriate for this blog, as it has to do with the one thing I have despised the most in my life--my own body. Here it is. Warning: it's really personal. Yet I am willing to be vulnerable in sharing this anyway, as it is part of my weight loss journey. Dear Body, I have to be honest and admit that I have never liked you, ever. I have loathed your existence ever since I was made aware of the fact that I was overweight as a child, and eventually, obese until 2016, when I had gastric bypass surgery. I have always de-emphasized and minimized you because you were a constant source of public spectacle, ridicule, and embarrassment. I instead chose to be cerebral and neurotic, existing mainly from the neck up, especially my mind. In fact, even though I have lost weight. I still despise you greatly. You are still completely uncooperative a...

I wrote this letter as part of an open letter challenge that I started at the beginning of this year, and then resumed this month. Today, the option was to write a letter of my choice, and fittingly, I decided to write a letter to my gastric bypass surgery. Doing this exercise was very helpful, and I hope it gives you insight on my progress. Thank you for reading. Dear Gastric Bypass, You have provided me with many positives and new opportunities. Even though I nearly died after surgery last year, I am still grateful for what you have done and allowed me to accomplish in a short amount of time. In less than a year, I have lost 150 pounds and am currently maintaining it. I went from being 360 pounds and a size 26/28, even a size 30 in some stores, and now I am an 18/20, which allows me to shop at more regular and socially acceptable stores. I have a greater desire to step out of my comfort zone and try new things, as well as attempt to socialize, if only for a short time. I feel li...